ELLIOTT INMAN: 
Known chiefly as a con-man, bootlegger, and snappy dresser, Inman joined the Thieves solely to conceal himself  from the feds after his involvement in the now-infamous Cincinnati Cap-Corn Caper. Once folks stopped seeing his picture in the newsreels at the talkies, he figured he could emerge from hiding to make a killing on the Vaudeville stage! Unfortunately, he was a century too late. That, however, hasn't stopped Elliott from hammering nails into his nose, escaping from straitjackets, braving the jaws of animal traps, and subjecting himself to the torture of the bed of nails for the entertainment of  tens of show-goers!



JERSEY LILLY:
Being born and raised in the country can be something of a double-edged sword. Nowhere else is this more true than in the case of Jersey Lilly. After a bad accident in Lilly's youth involving runaway chickens, a grain thresher, and way too much of grandpappy's moonshine, she found herself with a case of chronic numbness from the calves down and an uncanny resistance to high voltage. Once a bright-eyed teenager, fed up with rural American life, Lilly hopped aboard the first steamer to Bangladesh where she perfected the arts of fire eating, glass walking, fire walking, and sword ladder. Once back stateside, Lilly joined up with the Thieves, earning herself the much esteemed title of "Ballerina of the Blades"!



GEOFFREY SPOONER:
Could talk a snake to death. Though he claims to be "just the Juggler," Spooner (previously a traveling Barber and Lightning Rod Salesman) is now the Thieves' unofficial MC and somehow has the horrible luck of finding himself loosely connected to various illegal endeavors. Since joining the Thieves,  Spooner has been suspected (but not convicted) of Murder, Arson, Embezzlement, Bribery, Indecent Exposure,  and, well...Thievery.




HAMBURGER JAMES
Having his humble beginnings as a stake pounder and pole raiser for the World of Wonders Ten-in-One Sideshow and Palace of Illusions, his beloved bosses, Misters Ward Hall and Chris Christ soon discovered that Hamburger had two uniquely marketable talents, the ability to subject himself to the most God awful amounts of muscular pain and strain, discovered when he beat nails into the stage with his bare hands and bent the rebar tent stakes straight after a mighty storm, as well as the power to convince anyone of anything he pleased.  The latter became evident the day he shut down the Meadowlands State Fair by explaining to the owner that, as an "officer of the ATF", he would be making a routine inspection of the workers quarters to check for drug use, all for the purpose of having the night to himself with a Russian migrant worker with a penchant for vodka and pizza.  As it turns out, Geoffery Spooner was at the same pizzeria as he and Tatiana, and the two ditched the broad for the bar.  Once there, Hamburger opened a beer with his pearly whites and got to chatting with his new-found friend.  It didn't take long to realize that Ham-J (as he has since been affectionately called) was the perfect combination of olde time strongman and new age bally talker.  James has been with The Thieves ever since.  He may or may not be the self same fellow found on post office walls called Hamburglar James suspected of Forgery, Fraud, Grand Theft, Impersonating a Federal Agent, Espionage and B&E.

THE THIEVES!
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